Is this the beginning of my new life chapter?

Long time to update...

Many years ago, I asked god for new chapter of life when I saw life of people around me have gone through new chapter. It has been so long that I'm in this chapter, I think.

In  fact, there have been changes in this life chapter...
I had my own house, got promotion, got new car, etc. But I feel unchanged.

The past year, there were things new in my life, that I feel changed.

I really be able to stop loving someone, and completely remove him out of my heart that I feel nothing now. He is very different person to me now. No pain at all.

Someone has come into my life, surprisingly. It was almost love at fist sight but it was not.
He is dangerous for my faith. I should run away from him but almost a year now that I could not remove him from my life. I was struggle but now I'm getting better and be able to handle rightly in our relationship.

I past year, I got big test on my career. Exactly one year ago, I realized that my position is insecure. Right after prayer, headhunter contacted me. I seriously consider about my next career. Eventually, it sum up that I have to choose between the dream job I want as project management type of work and operational work - specialist or generalist. I choose generalist. Career is no longer my everything. Having Career as generalist will wider job opportunity for me. About 6 months after I decided, there were job opportunity in operation for me. Everything that seem difficult for movement went smoothly. Starting 2016, I has been working as planner. Working in the day-to-day operation brought change to my life - I have to adjust myself quite a lot.

Since end of last year until now, I'm thinking for quitting BSF - that things that I have done for 10 years and serve as Children Leader for 7 years. I don't know real reason why I have this thinking. I just feel more joy when I think about more free time that I can do things that I used to do and want to do.

I want to have time to relax and read bible in any passage I want. Having to free thought after reading the bible, not thinking in the big frame of BSF. I want the moment that I enjoy the words.I want to go back to the time I used to be when I first believe. I want to be back to my first love.

Is this the beginning of my new life chapter?

Begin the Year with Thanks

Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
1 Chronicles 16:10

Thanks God and all glory be to Him for His blessing in 2014.

It was the year of learning...

Once I submit all, He turns the worst to best!

• Since H2/2013, my work was at worst. A lot of pressure. It seems that I have to recover the worst and bad reputation of team, and rebuilt it. There were many tears. H1/2014, I was thinking seriously of quit the job, and doing something else. 
• God gave me the learning. I have to submit all to Him. The learning is about "How" my mind should be when I really say I submit to Him All.
• It was up to the point I said to God, "please please decide for me. I don't want, at all, to think about it. Whatever you decide, I will take".
• Then, He closed the open door for new job and completely turn my work situation. 
• The job, that I went for interview and thought I would get, turns silence. Eventually, there was rumor that the company may be sold. Thanks God. It proofs that He really cares for me and I don't know all things.
• Don't know why but my works got well accept; several recognition and rewards, which up to the point I say "It is more than enough" Yes, it is all by Him and all glory be to Him.

Once I submit all, He gives me freedom!

• It is about 5 years that my mind has been with someone who has never been with me more than friend. 
• I keep praying and waiting and waiting. I am in the mist that nothing is clear. There are so many unknowns. God has not yet given me clear answer. He lets me be as I am.
• In 2014, on his birthday, I realized that I was the slave. My heart has been in trouble because the expectation that has never been met. Yes, no body but god can fill my soul.
• God gives me lesson of Yonah... [Jonah 4:9-10] But God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?" "It is", he said. "And I'm so angry I wish I were dead." But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight.
• I give up all when I submit. Whatever God will bless me, I will accept. I trust in Him and His plan.
• I have freedom now! Thanks God! He gives me new perspective. Thank god for giving me the loving heart and the desire to pray for him. It is the precious thing that I shall keep. 
• I have freedom to interact with him without expectation. Even, there would have nothing in return, I have peace and joy in seeing he has joy and continues to stand firm in faith. God loves him and I so much. He will bless us the suitable helper (as His intention when He created Eve for Adam)
• I am now out of (his unintentional) game!

I have never heard God's voice but He always guide me!

• I was wonder, what is His will? What does He want me to do or to be? 
• Sometimes, I confuse. I didn't dare to think or to initiate thing.
• Thanks god. Someone told me... He has never heard God's voice but God always leads and guides him. This is how God is with him.
• Yes, it is. I look back and Wowww.. Yes, God is with me all year long. He answers my prayers, even in small things or what I prayed long time ago and have already forgot.
• Yes, He always be with me and guide me. May God helps me to be able to accept with peace and joy when things go out of my plan, my control or I face disappointment. May god helps me to stand firm in faith, have loving heart, be gentle in actions and speaking, have patience, endurance and be still.

I know 2015 will be another good year because God is with me.

  

It is too small when compare to your love

Dear God,

While I'm waiting and expecting the response from someone, a little voice tells me that no matter what response i will get, it is nothing compare with how much you love me and the fact that I have you in my life.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future.
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives.

There is so many things for me to learn, to study, to practice to glorify Him.

He gives me wonderful life to glorify Him.

Thank God

No words can express.
Thanks for all peace and joy.
Thanks for your protection and all you provide.

Lord, please bless me to love you more and more.

I love you.

[photo : http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3510/3716856672_dc7ee1e877.jpg]

Honor Him in waiting

"Waiting" is the normal path of Christian life.
BSF Leader Meeting; closing talk by Melinda on Apr 23'11.

"Waiting"
1) Waiting is the Active action. There are things to do while we are waiting.
2) Waiting; for us to be ready.
3) Waiting can be painful. However, it is a part of God's will. Feel free to express your feeling but avoid complaint.
4) Waiting because you have not finished yet. Be purposeful when you are waiting. You're not planted for nothing.
5) We are the work of His hand. Waiting can be worship. Are you ready to wait for His perfect time.

"Honor Him in waiting, worship Him when you are waiting"

why god creat woman to be with man?

Who is my soulmate?
Why god create women and man and let them be united together? Why people seek for someone and get marry?

When I look at Genesis 2:18... I found the answer... why god create woman...

From various versions, God creates woman to be...- a helper comparable to him
- a suitable helper
- a helper, a companion
- a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him
- a helper who is just right
- a helper fit for him

Then, when you pray to god... Let's pray for him to give us the one who will be our suitable helper and just rigth for us.

The way back to love

Back to yr.2002, I thought that I have found the true love that would be with me forever.

3 years later, the sweetest time turned to be bitter time. The sorrow I felt over the broken relationship was almost too much to bear. I think I could not love any one any more.

God is always there when we are in the hard time.
I took 3 years to realized the true love and faith in God.
I truly surrender to Him, and rely only on Him to heal me.
I can see the beautiful sky again. My heart has peace and joy as I have never had before.

Yr.2009, the 7th year, the turning point.
I just realized today how yr.2009 is the significant beginning step of my life.

From the one who quietly love God and avoid being a part of church, I was re-baptized and became the permanent active church member.

It was the year, I became the Children Leader in BSF; get closer to God.

It was the year, I brought piano. It fills my old day dream.

It was the year, I traveled to Rome and Paris alone with peace and joy.
Thanks to God.

It was the year, I can love some one...
It's not about how is my love or whom I love... It's about I can love again!

God has totally removed my pain. No scar is left.
I didn't know how it started... I just cannot stop looking for him. But no any words from me. I try to escape from him, actually.

Yr.2011, the 3rd year I quietly love him, it seems impossible to get his love but I still love him. Anyway, my love is not as before. I don't have crazy love as before (even though I'm crazy about him some times). I start to learn how to have true love; love that doesn't expect anything in return.

Love and pray for him. Love that want him to be in God's way, and want him to be with the one whom God blesses (sure, she may not be me).

The important thing is... I can find the way back to love...
I can love once again... thanks god.

(Thanks http://www.flickr.com/photos/zeisberg/4229136836/ for nice photo)

The Test : Time vs. Money

The test started when my friend invited me for a dinner and approach me to do MLM business with him.

He is one of my close friend who is straightforward. He explained the MLM structure and how it can earn the money easily and quickly with the broad network.

He is looking for a team member, and that's the reason he wants me to be in his team. He thought I'm the talent one (which I'm not sure that I'm), and can be a good member that can make the network stronger.

Sure, this job is the part-time job that need time and all effort to build the network... exchange with the good easy earning in short-time.

While listen, I thought in my mind that... "TIME" is the important thing... how I can get TIME to do this job? ... Nowadays, asides from my permanent job, I study and teach bible for kids.. the works that I do it with my heart... I put all my effort even I don't get pay.

I have hobby that I love; crafting, having web page. The hobby that bring joy and happiness, without any pay. The whole Sunday, I'm at church. It's not the time that full with works and activities but it is the time to fill my heart with Peace & Joy.

The choice is... the part-time job with good pay but have to exchange with the works that I'm doing with all my heart but don't get pay..... or the choice to exchange it with time of rest, time with family and friend.... what I will choose?

My friend may think that I'm weird and stupid as I choose the works and activities that have no pay.... the key point is TIME.

Time... incomparable thing with money and earning.

My friend challenges me with several questions, and here is my answer...

Q : If I put all my effort to do this part-time job for a year... just a year... to create the network that will bring the continual and stable income for future... only a year for long term stability.. it is worth, isn't it?

A: a year that I have to exchange... it may be the great year with my parents and they get older and older; they cannot stop their age to wait for me. Good time with my sisters and brothers who need me this time. In near future, when they all have their own family, they will not need me any more... a year that I may exchange it with good experience (cannot get it with money) that may come in that year only... for example, if God blesses me to meet with some one in that year... but I don't have time to get this blessing... what will be worth enough to exchange with it?

Time doesn't come back but work-money can be re-started any time. It comes and goes; nothing certain.

Q : Freedom of finance... enable you to have early retire and you can do as you dream for. It is better, isn't it?

A : Early-retire-life... life with worry free. Resting life to do whatever you wish... why we need to wait and hold it until we think we are ready to start the worry free life... Is it better to start it now! Live as you have little early retire day-by-day... Have time to work and have time to rest. Have time to do whatever we wish. Doing it now! Don't wait.... Many people worry about their finance but some time, even you are rich, you are still worry. You cannot rest. You still put all your efforts into work because you are fear to loose your money... Money is not always be thing that enable your early retirement.

Don't wait for a day to have worry free life... you can start it now.

Q : You are serving God with no pay. Why do you still work full-time, why don't you quite the job and serve God full time?

A : God leads my life. He has purpose for me. If it is His will and His time, He will guide me to full-time-servant of God; no need to do full-time job because He will take care of me. But now, He blesses me with my full-time job. I faced with change at work, faced with new boss that is not as I expect. I'm joyless, some time. But God wants me learn and be transformed; to love the one who irritates me, give me a chance to share to my co-worker about How god's teach and change me. This is the important thing of life that we need to spend our time.

God has His purpose in creating me, and He directs me in His way to spend time in my life to learn and know Him more and more. Spend time to be His witness and share my testimony to other, for them to know God one day.

It may be too difficult for my friend (and others) to understand... but I want you to really think about Time and Money... is it worth to exchange?... TIME that may make our life be full filled; having the complete fulfill life, which money cannot do.

Hope you will understand it one day.

A Person I would like to be!

Reading the note from BSF Isaiah Lesson 7, as the one who English is the 2nd language, I have to open the dictionary every 5 words I read through.

Even though it seems difficult to read this note, but just the first paragraph, I am impacted by it and say to myself...
"Wow... this is a person I would like to be!"

"Life characterized by deep-seated joy or peace in the face of even the most difficult circumstances."

"Hope is a defining character trait."

"God gives the inexplicable overwhelming joy."


How about you? What a person you would like to be?

Thank You Notes to God

Thanks god for every things.

You are with me, always, indeed.

Every things are under your control.

You are above all things.

How can I live without You !

wandering around in a daze

Have you ever kept praying to Lord on things that Lord already said "NO"?

Out from BFS lesson on Life of Moses; lord doesn't allow Moses to enter the promised land because of his sin concerning the water and the rock. Moses totally accepted the lord's command... no any argument or ask for mercy or anything else from Moses.

Then, I just realized and fully accepted that I keep praying to Lord for years on one thing that Lord once said "NO" to me. I didn't accept what's lord command. It's just because I think I deserve it, and it is not bad things. Keep praying to lord, one day lord may have mercy on me and give me what I request.... it's wrong!!

After that I repent and give up my request and fully hand every thing to lord's hand... accept all thing that lord command. Surely, I know and trust that lord has already prepared to best for me.

Right after corrected my mind, change my attitude... from my life that seem to only wander around in a daze, wander in the circle... Lord pull me out. I feel like I'm going to complete my 40 years wandering in dessert and go into Canaan. I have hope and see the light from the end of tunnel.

Thanks God...

"I love you, O LORD, my strength" (Psalm 18:1)

You are always with me, indeed!

Thanks god who answer my prayer right away.

Last night my mom who now during her hometown visit called me. She could not find the tickets for today trip back to Bangkok.

She cannot remember at all where she put the tickets and afraid that she would left it at home, some where.

She called me several times to checked every places where she possible left the tickets but I found nothing.

Of causes, she is getting old. Sure, she is so worry about it - how she and my dad could go back home tomorrow? After looking at every possible places in the house and found nothing. Only thing I can do is pray to god.

I don't know He will listen to my small request for helping my mom who is none-christian, or not. I pray to him to open my mom's eyes and help her to find the tickets. After prayed, I went to bed. Not fall into sleep yet, my dad called home... my mom, finally find the tickets. It is with her, in the box of crystals and tools - the place that it should not be kept.

YES, here is my god. I speak out to my sister that I just pray to him and it is my GOD.
Thanks the lord. You are so kind to me.
Thanks to let me know that you are always with me and take care of my family.

My Piano

In early November 2008, I wrote about "I want to play the piano??"

It is one of my dream to have and play piano.
At that time, I wrote about I hesitated to take piano course because of tuition and there is no course fit me. I got only discouragements.

At the end, I realize that it is not about piano but change in my life.... I have hope and dream. I have completed life.

.... and the time goes by....

Recently, my church announced for a program, "worship workshop".
There is basis piano course open!!!!

WOWW... god has prepared it for me.
I sign up for this workshop. It is 10 weeks-course. The class will start next Saturday.

It is not about I can attend the piano course with free tuition but to experience what would be when god has prepared for me.

I got many encouragements this time. There is full support from every one. All information about piano I need are available. Every things I need come at the right time.

And now, I already brought piano!!! Here is mine... KORG SP250.

I learn how to pay from the book by myself.
I practice it every day, as preparation before start the course.
Every thing is go well. I can play several easy songs now.

Thanks God for these...
Thanks him for all he has prepared for me.

"Crucify Him!!!" & Thai Protesters

There are abnormal situation in Thailand now. Red-shirt protesters started the violence. I could not understand these protesters; why they change from nice person to be violent and unreasonable person. Why people are so easily follow the crowd to do such a terrible things.

Yesterday I watched the news on TV about these red-shirt protesters for whole day.... I feel bad and nervous about my country that has been destroyed by them.... I cannot stand with it any more... I get mad on these people.

Thanks god... He warn and comfort me... He gives me lesson from this situation.

After prey to the lord, he enlighten me.
He reminds me the picture of Jesus before Pilate.

... when the crowed had gathered, Pilate asked them, "which one do you want me to release to you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?"

... the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowed to ask for Barabbas to have Jesus executed.

"Barabbas," the crowed answered. They all answered, "Crucify him!"
"Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate.
But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!"

I don't mean who is right or wrong in the case of situation in Thailand.

This enlighten me how human is... we are sinners who easily be persuaded and follows the crowed.

These emphasize the great mercy of god and greatest love of Jesus who know what would happen in advance but still accept it for us... He takes away our sins.

Last but not least, I am not nervous as before. I know now, nothing is greater than our god. All things are under his control. I trust in him. He is now taking care of Thailand.

Peace will be back to this land soon.

"I can smile..."

It may be the tough time for you...
The uncertainty of work, economic situation, lots of violence, etc...
You may doubt about how you can pass these tough time... where is your happiness...
Smile is away from your face.

The pressure on my work increasing recently. Several people around me have already gotten the impact from down turn of economic. I have to encounter with the task that hard to believe that I could do it... it's so challenge.

Only way that I have learned is to pray to God.... trust and wholeheartedly rely on Him."Seek Him first" & "Trust & Obey".... only that I can overcome the tough time and accomplish the challenge.... WITH SMILE!!


You know, it does not only bring the Joy to my life but also make the difference to other people around me. They can be encourage from our smile....


Thanks to God... This makes life more beautiful.

Although there's the love, we cannot be together

There is a question in my mind... why we cannot be together, although there is the love.

One day, in my morning bible class, we learned about 1 John 1:5-6
It is about... Walking in the light

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by truth."
God is light... Light and darkness cannot be together...
If we choose to be in the darkness, we cannot be with God,
even though God love us.

Love... but cannot be together... one of good example is...

Mother love the child so much.

But her child did thing wrong and was put in jail.

She visits her child there but she cannot reach him

because the wall and space between them.
....she loves her child so much...

I understand now why we could not be together. Let's god be light in our life... So, one day we may be able to be together (I always have hope... the hope that keep my loving heart alive.)

We have the choice...

I will have BFS fellowship on this Sunday, for what we studied in EXODUS 1-2.

I think over and over on what I will share to the group. What have I learned?

Another sides of my life, there are things in my mind that I have struggled for many years... I have mourned for it. I was the great battle in my mind but it is also the awakening of my spiritual life.

Recently, I feel better. It is after I realize and learned to wholeheartedly submit all things to god.

Today, I face with things, about this issue, that seem to hit the weaken of my heart. It is the test for me to learn... I'm struggling for awhile... and then...

"Eureka! it is what I learn from EXODUS 1-2 !"

(1) I have the choice...
Similar as Moses' parents, they also have choice to either keep their baby or throw him away to avoid any risk to their life.
For me, I have choice either be joyful or walk in the circle of mournfulness.

(2) All thighs are under God's control; under God's way and God's timing...
Our life is a link on God's plan. It is not only about ourselves and our circumstance. God rewards faith in His time and His way.Let's be the blessing, not the burden, to others even in the hardship.

(3) God's concern and cares about all detail in our life...
Moses has faithful family but be apart from them since 3 years old. His Egyptian family rejected him when he has failure. God gives him the family in Median; the family that love, care and accept him as the way he is. God also does the same way to me @^o^@

(4) No one never done wrong. God always give us the chance to choose; repent or run way from Him.

Up to now, it is definitely confirmed that all things happen in my life, both of good or bad, are under God's control. It is His plan to transform me to really be his people, and for Him to be able to use me for His purpose.

... I now know what to share in this coming fellowship...

You are always with me

Yes, you are always with me, my Lord.

You hear my pray. You know me than I know myself.

Just trust in you, I can have peaceful life.

Yes, on the works on this earth are just to glorify You.

I will remember this moment and this filling.

So, when I'm tried and boring I will recall this time.

Because You are always with me.

Thanks God

During a meeting yesterday, I realize the grace of god; I take care of me and be of me always. Then, I just wrote a note to express my thanks to Him.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Thanks God for preparing me. You take care of me since the day I have not know you. You know me more than I know myself. You put me in P&G. It was impossible for me to join them by my own ability. It was miracle. Not only be able to take care my family well in the right time, I learned many things and used it in future career.

I knew P'Ree and Fatty who introduced me to God.

When I just graduated, I didn't see what would be future. Actually, I didn't realize and think about it at all, unlike now a day, I have worried about it to much. God, please help me and take away my worry because I know you are with me always.

Anyway, you have put me to Supply Chain area. You gave me the chance to learn the things, knowledge and mastery. Then, you took me out from P&G at the right time. For me to learn the most important things; to awake and have the time I really know you and born again. To know that I'm so little, to know about being humble, to know how to live peaceful and joyful in the world and to understand about people... the people that you have created with grace and mercy.

THANKS GOD for EVERY THINGS...

Sunshine after the Rain

After the season change of my life, the suffering that I have carried long ago, and the prayer that I keep praying for a long time.... it is Sunshine after the Rain.

God always give us the chance....
to choose and change!

Season change of my life - thanks God for giving me the chance to totally submit myself to you... You have arranged every thing and brought me to the peaceful and joyful life.

The suffering that I have carried long ago - it's as a song, "amazing grace";

"...T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear,
and Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear,
the hour I first believed..."

Thanks god for healing me and giving me the chance to forgive myself and others.

The prayer that I keep praying - thanks god for giving me the chance to learn how to pray with faith. It's almost 3 years that I keep praying for this. You answer me... although it's not as my sweet dream, the most importance is... it is reality!

It's more than word to say... anyway... THANKS GOD FOR EVERY THING!